You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize