He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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