I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize