I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize