I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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