Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She told me I should be a condom model.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Randomize
Follow @tfln