I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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