Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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