My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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