remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I deserve this hangover.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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