you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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