I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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