I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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