I'm gonna have a badass scar
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize