i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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