I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The ass gains better be worth it
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