First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize