im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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