Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize