I could make wine with my vomit
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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