She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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