Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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