You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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