I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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