So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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