Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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