when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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