new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize