I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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