I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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