So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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