i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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