what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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