I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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