Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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