Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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