If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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