Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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