He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dignity is for republicans.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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