I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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