we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize