I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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