that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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