Already got asked if we're dating
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love having hate sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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