i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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