i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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