I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to calm my uterus...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize