Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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