I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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