Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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